On the nose, this wine is your basic generic bistro red, with a vague fruity flavor combined with an even vaguer wood-esque kind of smell (shavings? chips? powder? an unfortunate accident in a pallet manufacturing plant?), with a definite hint of sucrosité. The color’s a fresh, young purple; it looks rich, just like “real” wine.

In the mouth, the first thing that hits you is an overwhelmingly jammy-sweet, Smucker’s Grape Jelly flavor, with a strange, off-putting note of fake something there as well; on the run-out, acids take over for a second, and it all ends on a badly jumbled, utterly fake note that’s quite a disappointment.

On the other hand, compared to other wines in this price range, it isn’t really all that bad. Sure, it’s not particularly pleasant, and it doesn’t taste at all varietal, but if it were lightly chilled and served with a nice greasy pizza, it just might work.

The Big Kahuna [but really fresh&easy]
Price: US $1.99
Closure: Stelvin
Date tasted: November 2007