A blind tasting of some coffee liqueurs

I really don’t know what they are. Chris poured them into little South African wine tasting glasses. [Ed: These notes are in random order; the tasting glasses came from South African wineries, hence the names below.]”Fairview”:
creamy coffee, good mouth feel. There’s a nice low subtle bass note and
a hint of vanilla. It feels sophisticated; I can see drinking this
straight up when I want to feel mellow and curl up and read a fluffy
travel book. My favorite.”Bouchard Finlayson”: hot alcohol,
some coffee flavor, lingering finish of burnt coffee beans. Not all
that attractive, it tastes like the bourbon I drank in 9th grade out of
a styrofoam cup with John Zebala and Mike Matsuda one night and it
compelled us to write bad haiku on my brother’s underwear. The one I
liked the least.”Neil Ellis”: Toffee more than coffee, but not
in a bad way. Tastes like a high quality Chinese Kahlua knockoff that’s
served in a low rent Macau gambling den.”Groot Constantia”:
more cream; moderate coffee flavor–and that coffee flavor is almost
minty. Call this “Nestle International Coffee Liqueur” , it’d go great
in some hot chocolate drinkypoo at some Canadian ski lodge with whipped
cream and cinnamon on top and one of those tubular cookies that looks
like a taquito.[After Dan wrote up his notes, I let him know which glasses had which coffee liqueurs: Fairview was Kahlúa ($15), Bouchard Finlayson was Kahlúa Especial ($18), Neil Ellis was Starbucks coffee liqueur ($17), and Groot Constantia was Trader Vic’s Kona Coffee Liqueur ($12).]